No Presépio 8

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Bartoon

© Luís Afonso

A Professora pergunta na sala de aulas:

- Luizinho qual é a profissão do teu pai?
- Advogado, Sra. Professora.

- E a do teu pai, Mariasinha?
- Engenheiro.

- E o teu, Aninhas?
- O meu pai é médico

- E o teu pai, Pedrinho, o que faz?
- Ele... Ele é dançarino numa boate gay!
- Como? (pergunta a Professora surpreendida)
- Sra. Professora, ele dança na boate vestido de mulher, com uma cuequinha minúscula de lantejoulas; os homens passam a mão nele e enfiam dinheiro no elástico da calcinha e depois saem para divertirem-se juntos.

A Professora rapidamente dispensou todos os alunos, menos o Pedrinho.

Ela caminha até ao miúdo e novamente pergunta:
- Ora diz-me lá, o teu pai realmente faz isso?
- Não, Sra. Professora. Agora que a sala está vazia, eu posso dizer-lhe:
Ele é Deputado na Assembleia da República..... Mas eu tenho vergonha de dizer isso na frente dos outros!!!

© Albert Einstein

No Presépio 7

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Felices Fiestas

© Qualquer coisa acabada em m, talvez

The Banker

The Banker

Hello, my name is Montague William 3rd
And what I will tell you may well sound absurd
But the less who believe it the better for me
For you see I'm in Banking and big industry

For many a year we have controlled your lives
While you all just struggle and suffer in strife
We created the things that you don't really need
Your sports cars and Fashions and Plasma TV's

I remember it clearly how all this begun
Family secrets from Father to Son
Inherited knowledge that gives me the edge
While you peasants, people lie sleeping at night in your beds

We control the money that controls your lives
Whilst you worship false idols and wouldn't think twice
Of selling your souls for a place in the sun
These things that won't matter when your time is done

But as long as they're there to control the masses
I just sit back and consider my assets
Safe in the knowledge that I have it all
While you common people are losing your jobs

You see I just hold you in utter contempt
But the smile on my face well it makes me exempt
For I have the weapon of global TV
Which gives us connection and invites empathy

You would really believe that we look out for you
While we Bankers and Brokers are only a few
But if you saw that then you'd take back the power
Hence daily terrors to make you all cower

The Panics the crashes the wars and the illness
That keep you from finding your Spiritual Wholeness
We rig the game and we buy out both sides
To keep you enslaved in your pitiful lives




So go out and work as your body clock fades
And when it's all over a few years from the grave
You'll look back on all this and just then you'll see
That your life was nothing, a mere fantasy

There are very few things that we don't now control
To have Lawyers and Police Force was always a goal
Doing our bidding as you march on the street
But they never realise they're only just sheep

For real power resides in the hands of a few
You voted for parties what more could you do
But what you don't know is they're one and the same
Old Gordon has passed good old David the reigns

And you'll follow the leader who was put there by you
But your blood it runs red while our blood runs blue
But you simply don't see its all part of the game
Another distraction like money and fame

Get ready for wars in the name of the free
Vaccinations for illness that will never be
The assault on your children's impressionable minds
And a micro chipped world, you'll put up no fight

Information suppression will keep you in toe
Depopulation of peasants was always our goal
But eugenics was not what we hoped it would be
Oh yes it was us that funded Nazis!

But as long as we own all the media too
What's really happening does not concern you
So just go on watching your plasma TV
And the world will be run by the ones you can't see



Performed By Mike Daviot
16/10/2009
Written, Directed and Produced By: Craig-James Moncur

No Presépio 3

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Godfrey Bloom

Aos polícias e militares

© Pat Bagley

You right now

© ?

Une coupe populaire

© ?

Marisa Lingerie

Humoral - Falido Natal

© Rodrigo

Sacado gentilmente de Humoral da História / Expresso

No Presépio 10

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Rue Guerin

© ?

© Cristina Sampaio

A Very Calvin & Hobbes Christmas

Define Necessity

No Presépio 9

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Fuck Christmas

Fuck Christmas - Eric Idle (The Greedy Bastard Tour)
Lyrics:

Fuck Christmas!
It's a waste of fucking time
Fuck Santa
He's just out to get your dime,
Fuck Holly and Fuck Ivy
And fuck all that mistletoe
White-bearded big fat bastards
Ringing bells where e'er you go
And bloated men in shopping malls
All going Ho-Ho-Ho
It's fucking Christmas time again!

Fuck Christmas
It's a fucking Disney show
Fuck reindeer
And all that fucking snow
Fuck carols
And fuck Rudolph
And his stupid fucking nose
And fucking sleigh bells tinkling
Everywhere you fucking goes
Fuck stockings and fuck shopping
It just drives us all insane.
Go tell the elves
To fuck themselves
It's Christmas time again!

Santa Claus (Rémi GAILLARD)

Tom

No Presépio 6

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

God Listens

O Joazinho escreveu uma carta ao Pai Natal:
- Seu barrigudo cegueta do caralho, todos os anos te escrevo uma carta a pedir um camião dos bombeiros e tu só me ofereces meias e cuecas. Quando passares à frente da minha casa com as renas vou foder-te à pedrada!

O Pai Natal respondeu:
- Este Natal compenso-te, vou pôr fogo à tua casa, filho da puta, não te vão faltar camiões dos bombeiros! Feliz Natal!!

No Presépio 5

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

© Алексей Иорш

Frank Zappa

© ?

Goethe

No Presépio 4

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Cardinal Sin

"I'm never sure who deserves to be put on a pedestal or crushed under one." - Banksy

Oh, the Catholic church won't be happy about this. Banksy just unveiled a brand new sculpture called Cardinal Sin which is a 18-century stone bust of a priest with its face sawn off and replaced by blank "pixelated" bathroom tiles. It was created as a response to the child abuse scandal in the Catholic church and its subsequent cover-up.

Where this sculpture sits is almost as important as the piece itself. It was unveiled at the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool, England, where it's placed alongside 17th Century religious art which includes large church altarpieces and other religious sculptures.

Reyahn King, director of art galleries at National Museums Liverpool, said this about the piece:

"The sculpture very clearly contains a message. When you look at it and see the tiles that have been applied to the sawn-off face, you immediately get the impression of those pixelated images of suspected criminals you see on screen or in a newspaper photograph."

As for Banksy? He remarked, "I guess you could call it a Christmas present. At this time of year it's easy to forget the true meaning of Christianity - the lies, the corruption, the abuse."

via [BBC], [Guardian]

Sacado daqui:

No Presépio 2

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Kit de emigração

© Sergey Elkin

Dos premios Nobel de Economía piden que se meta en la cárcel a los banqueros

¿Vamos a confiar en quienes nos metieron en esta situación para sacarnos de ella?

www.larepublica.es

Economistas como Joseph Stiglitz y George Akelof vienen diciendo durante los últimos meses y en repetidas ocasiones que “es imposible resolver la crisis económica sin que los criminales que cometieron el fraude estén en la cárcel”.El Nobel de economía George Akerlof ha criticado que no se castigue a los delincuentes de cuello blanco y que se facilite con las nuevas medidas económicas las condiciones para comenter este tipo de delitos, lo que provocará mayor destrucción de la economía en el futuro.

El también Nobel de Economía Joseph Stiglitz denuncia que el sistema está diseñado para fomentar ese tipo de cosas, y que las personas que han tenido la mayor responsabilidad en la situación actual no están siendo sancionados, y aunque se les multara con un 5% o 10% de las ganancias que han obtenido, seguirían viviendo en sus lujosas casas y con sus cientos de millones de dólares.

“El sistema está diseñado para que si te pillan, la multa sea sólo un número muy pequeño comparado con el fraude cometido. Es como una multa de aparcamiento, a veces tomas la decisión de aparcar en un sitio a sabiendas de que podrían ponerte una multa”, señala el premio Nobel, que asegura que habría que meter a muchos de los responsables en la cárcel”.

“¿Vamos a confiar en quienes nos metieron en esta situación para sacarnos de ella? Ellos reconocen que no han hecho bien las cosas pero que su comprensión de la situación es buena. Si creen esto, estamos en un lío, lo siento”

Daqui: http://www.attacmadrid.org/?p=3276

Nos Idos de Março

No Presépio 1

José Pinto Carneiro - Argumento / Álvaro - Desenho

Just do it

Programação televisiva de Domingo à noite

SIC, hoje à noite:

21:45 - Peso Pesado 2 - Apresentação de Bárbara Guimarães
23:15 - Peso Pesado 2 - Especial - Com Daniel Oliveira
00:30 - Filme a definir
03:20 - Televendas

TVI, hoje à noite:

21:45 - Casa dos Segredos 2 - Gala - Directo. Com Teresa Guilherme
01:00 - Mais Futebol - Jornada
01:20 - Mais Futebol - Casos
02:00 - Mais Futebol - Fórum



Na volta temos os políticos que merecemos.

Daqui: http://tv.publico.clix.pt/programacao.asp?datas=18-12-2011

Facebook vs Google+

The Fence

© Clay Bennett

Orçamento para o Natal

© Philippe Geluck

© Thomate

Too ugly to...

5000 protesters arrested

Aurora

Primeiro episódio do Documentário Aurora, focando-se na realidade portuguesa do colapso financeiro e o colapso do Euro.

Daqui.

Pedro Passos Coelho: das origens até hoje

"(...) Sei que muita gente olha desconfiada e pergunta: -Passos Coelho, o que andou você a fazer tanto tempo na JSD?
Nunca fui funcionário da política!
Comecei a trabalhar aos 18 anos. Fui pai aos 24. Nunca ninguém na política me deu emprego. Nunca pedi emprego para ninguém... na política!
(...)"






E agora da Wikipédia
(já que o seu CV oficial online pelos vistos desapareceu)

"Pedro Manuel Mamede Passos Coelho (Coimbra, Sé Nova, 24 de Julho de 1964
(...)
Tendo aderido à Juventude Social Democrata em 1978, chegou a presidente da sua Comissão Política Nacional, em 1990, cargo que ocupou até 1995. Foi deputado à Assembleia da República (...) entre 1991 e 1999. (...) foi vice-presidente do Grupo Parlamentar do PSD, de 1996 a 1999. Foi candidato a presidente da Câmara Municipal da Amadora, em 1997, exercendo o cargo de vereador até 2001.
(...)
É licenciado em Economia pela Universidade Lusíada de Lisboa, desde 2001 (aos 37 anos)
(...)
Em 2004 Ângelo Correia convida-o para ingressar no Grupo Fomentinvest, onde será director financeiro, até 2006, e administrador executivo, entre 2007 a 2009. Foi também presidente do Conselho de Administração das participadas Ribtejo e da HLC Tejo, a partir de 2005 e 2007, respectivamente."

...etc.

Vai-te embora garoto!

"Aldrabão!"

"Vai-te embora garoto!"

"Aldrabão. Anda a roubar o povo. Vai trabalhar!"

Foram algumas das sugestões construtivas dirigidas ao sr. Primeiro Ministro.

Flyers

© Oguz Gurel

Wipeout

Two speed Europe

© ?

© Chappatte

Mia Couto

Water on Mars - Latest news from Nasa

O que as escolas não ensinam (v.o.)

(versão original)

BILL GATES' SPEECH TO MT. WHITNEY HIGH SCHOOL in Visalia, California.
Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice. Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

CQC - Mônica Iozzi em Brasília

China Restaurant

How users see the programmers